Home Cheese Making

No, I've not suddenly turned into Martha Stewart though one can hope. But having son at home this week has been good for us. That's how sick I am of dealing with other people about this issue.

My grandmother spent the last 20 years of her life in a state of near complete self-sufficiency, and I've always admired her about that. You see, at some point she became sick and tired of dealing with other people - period. Oh, she loved visitors, her friends and family. But the "joys" of civilization and all the stress that goes with it? She was through with it.
If you wanted to find her you had to drive, then walk to the middle of nowhere where she grew her own food. Yet there was always people willing to do so.

I can't imagine my mother doing this, she loves cooking for other people too much, but I often picture myself in a farm setting, and the boys wouldn't mind living that way either. Husband recently ordered his first book on the subject while son has been busy putting up hotbeds like he does every year. Even our dwarf-hamsters are still alive and well. But we're a long way from being able to make cheese.

Light End Tunnel

A diagnosis is not the end, it's actually the beginning. For only then does the state agree to send one of their shrinks to school, who - within a couple of hours - must determine if the kid really needs a full/part time aide... at all. (Naturally such a person is extremely interested in sparing state funds, and even more so these days with banks and companies clamoring for taxpayer money.)




Anyway, I had an introductory appointment with him yesterday and, having spoken with another state-shrink before and knowing what to expect, I also had a plan. I brought son's teacher with me. (No way I'm gonna deal with these sharks all by myself again!) So, while it is too early to say, I think I've detected a change of attitude this time around. If all goes well we should know by the end of February.

I say "if all goes well" because this is flu season. Last year at this time I was practically on my deathbed. Supposedly there's a nastier strain going round now. God help us! (Funny how those phrases stick with a person even if they aren't religious in the conventional sense...)

Operation: Fresh Air

You will rarely see me reading an English book in German. Most translated stuff sucks. Too much pressure to finish in a too short amount of time. But I do enjoy German writers, particularly the women! There's some really good ones, or at least, some really funny ones.

Today I saw that Blogger had a new Blog of Note called "As Good As it Gets." So I checked it out because I love the film. I've actually used the quote she's using. Needless to say I had certain expectations which were not fulfilled. =)

Which reminds me. The focus of my blog has changed since I've started it, (I like his explanation.) even though a major portion of my waking hours is still dedicated on how to function regardless.

Unfortunately the battle has become a lot harder the past couple of months, and I worry that I'm gonna well and truly lose it if I keep going to go to school with him. It's been an extremely important experience but I just cannot see myself doing this indefinitely. Maybe if he were someone else's kid...

Anyway, it is time for me to renew those passports. If I cannot get an aide for him within a reasonable amount of time.

I Don't Know How She Does It

I can't believe the week's flown past me like this. Son is doing well at the moment (fingers-crossed) but the books I read (and my mood) are not getting any better.

Wanted to order some titles by Verne and Zola in English - too expensive.

(Hours later...)

I should be glad. Going to school with son is helping him in so many ways. And none of my big worries have materialized, yet. But if you can imagine something happen, chances are it won't happen. Life is all about the unexpected. And I did not expect to be confronted with his disability on such a cellular level. I thought I had that part behind us.

Nope. It's right there in front of me, five hours a day, asking me to deal with it already. Of course I knew that my son was different than other kids. I just didn't know how big exactly that difference was. Well, now I know.

Another issue is the obvious. I hate attracting any sort of attention. And we attract more of that as time goes on, not less.

I know. A real mother shouldn't even be having these kind of thoughts. I try hard not to let them influence my behavior. Only to have him say, "You should have picked another child."

At first I'm mortified. Then I laugh. Little does he know. A normal child and I would have been a disaster... Son is the perfect child for me. So I tell him that.

And then I transfer some more money to his "future psychotherapist" fund.

L'Argent

California controller to suspend tax refunds, welfare checks

State Controller John Chiang announced today that his office would suspend tax refunds, welfare checks, student grants and other payments owed to Californians starting Feb. 1, as a result of the state's cash crisis.

Banks get billions. Poor folks get their checks suspended. Nice.



Citigroup splits in two, BofA gets government aid

Gotta love son. When another kid asked him if he also had a savings bank account he answered, "We are in Deflation. Banks have no capital so they will take ours. You don't open bank accounts in a Deflation."

Two U.S. banks fail, first casualties in 2009

SKF has another gap at $240, but... could we have a small correction first?

Speaking of which, traders are worst than old women. We knew about the plane first. Best news I've heard in a while.

New York hails pilot who landed jetliner on river


Oh, all of a sudden husband only has to work 3 days a week.


oh yes, please...let us pray

The Interruption of Everything

Some of the titles in my recent posts belong to books I currently read. No longer selling them I can finally settle down to actually reading them. Besides, it's a great escape if you can't go nowhere.

Fried Green Tomatoes was the best one of the lot. It spoke of an America I've only known through my father's memories. Yet I felt a real wave of nostalgia for it, by the end of the book, even though this was by far not the happiest period in the history of the country. (I've often wondered what made US-folks think they were better than Germans other people, as far as racial politics were concerned.)

Pen Pals is a word play with an unrealistic plot. But it touched one of today's least talked-about issues, the exploding inmate population in America. It also had a couple of great characters.

I'm only reading The Interruption of Everything because I think McMillan is a great narrator and makes a couple of spot on observations. The book itself could have been a good one, unfortunately she didn't want to make any waves with her average reader. There's a wishy-washy attitude that drives me nuts.

When her 44-year-old heroine, for example, found out that she was pregnant, instead of menopausal, she found herself drifting in a sea of indecision. Ok, I can accept that. I've already had several conversations with husband about what we would do in the unlikely event of another pregnancy, but I'm pretty sure we are in the minority.

Yet even though it becomes perfectly clear that she doesn't want to have the child, she says "I'll guess I'll have it." and "The thought of having an abortion at my age is too scary."

Dunno. Maybe it's because of my past experience on the matter. And I know there's a lot of women with disabled children who go on to have another child/children and they all turn out perfectly fine. But whenever I think about another baby, I start thinking about everything that could go wrong with that. Then I really get scared.

PS. Couldn't finish it after all.

Pen Pals

I was reading about the Golden Globes the other day (I know. File under secret vices.) and I was startled to note that I recognized most of the actors on the red carpet, even though I've been really bad about keeping up with movies the past 10 years, (and even worst when it comes to music, etc.)

While I'm glad that experience and talent still trumps youth and beauty, aren't there any younger actors worthy enough of replacing them? Heath Ledger definitely had what it takes, now where is the rest?






I'll write more but I need to get some tea first...

Ice Age

It's cooooold. The kind of cold this country used to have 30 years ago. Global warming my Tutu. And they say that when son starts school tomorrow, it's going to be colder. I am NOT looking forward to waking up at 6 am again. Unfortunately it's too late to change into an animal that hibernates.



Lots to say but not about me, so I posted some stuff at the Outlet.

A New Set

We've arrived in 2009, safe and sound. I hope this is the case for everyone else as well.

2008 was just another exercise on how far I can be stretched, but New Year's Eve itself was pretty good, far better than some other ones. It was also the last day of my tiny, 6-year business. Like all difficult decisions it was for the best.

Most parents tend to have more time to themselves once their kids start school. I have less, a lot less than before. Certainly not enough time for me to defend a corner in what is now a totally saturated market. Husband, who helped me sell the last of the inventory, was shocked at how bad things have become in that area.

The good news is, we are actually better off financially, because we've also trimmed our spending. The amount saved is about the same as the amount I used to earn! So extra money can being put away for rainy days. (And I expect a lot of rainy days in the future.)

Yes, the past year certainly posed some tough challenges for us. But it was not completely without merit. Son finally has a proper diagnosis and has help in school, even though it's just me. Husband is finally learning about money. I am finally realizing that living a more balanced life might help me stay more balanced. (I still have to actually put this in practice. Maybe a goal for the new year? ;)