"The Earth is degenerating these days. Bribery and corruption abound. Children no longer mind their parents, every man wants to write a book, and it is evident that the end of the world is fast approaching."--Assyrian Stone Tablet, c.2800BC
According to Wiki: "Assyria finally succumbed to the rise of the neo-Babylonian Chaldean dynasty with the sack of Nineveh in 612 BC." So don't worry Amanda, the end of the world could still take a good long while.
The main two reasons why I don't get along with people: I'm afraid of getting hurt and I worry too much about saying or doing the wrong thing. (Which ends up becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy.) This probably stems from getting punished repeatedly over the years for being myself. So I remain superficial, which is great when dealing with the wrong kind of folks. Of course it also drives away the people I like.
Another reason is arrogance. The older I get the less willing I am put up with just about anyone. (Btw, my instinct was so right about her...)
It's not always about me though. Sometimes it's just about my choices. Husband managed to charm the socks off the couple I mentioned some time ago by getting totally plastered the last time we went out with them.
Oh, and the one pair of next door neighbors woke up one day and simply decided not to speak to us anymore. I told husband it's not a good idea to get too close to one's neighbors. What an uncomfortable situation, especially when you live so close to each other you can almost hear them fart at night.
On the bright side, I'm closing in on 60 days and feeling... as well as a mental yo-yo can feel when she isn't abusing herself. And son continues to do so well - that fact alone just makes everything worth it.
Sunday, July 12, 2009
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4 comments:
I never get too close with my neighbors, or much of anyone else, for that matter, for the same reasons.
But apparently I may be a sign of the apocalypse, since I'm one of those dumb asses that figured I had a book in me and I actually published the lousy thing. Then again, maybe not, because I'm not a man!
Distance. And silence.
Does being yourself really mean getting hurt and doing wrong - so in the end getting punished?
Es gibt ein normales Maaß an Verstellung ohne das wir nicht zusammen leben können. Es gibt Selbstverleugnung. Aber die Lüge trägt nicht weit.
Denken ist Arbeit. Sich selbst denken ist das Schwierigste was man tun kann. Und weh tut's auch noch.
Du bist stark. Du bist klug. Du bist schön. Du bist Amanda - es ist sonst niemand da ...
And yes: It all started to go downhill, when hey began to write those books! FOOLS!
I often think, it's you, it's your fault as I'm conditioned to blame myself if something doesn't work out.
When, in fact, it's a good thing to have some standards. It's a good thing to take your time before revealing yourself to another person. It's a good thing to keep some neighborly distance, as few of us can cope with intense familiarity over long periods of time.
That's why I think blogging works so well. You can take your time, you can keep as much or as little distance as you need and there's no pressure.
I always think it's my fault when things don't work out and tend to punish myself harshly. Sometimes a misunderstanding is revealed. Sometimes it's the fault of my paranoid personality. But then again, sometimes the other person is a stuck-up, backstabbing jag or simply an intolerant ass, and that's all there is to it.
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