This morning I was reading a story about an older gent who got conned out of a great deal of money, and eventually died a pauper.
The court had heard how bachelor Mr Cooper, who had epilepsy and a history of mental health problems, was an easy target for unemployed Crabb, 33, and 31-year-old car dealer Junge.
Even if you take out all the grime, slime and half-truths such newspapers bake into their stories, you would have to admit the scenario of a mentally ill, lonely rich man being taken advantage by lowlifes, is entirely possible.
Come to think of it, it doesn't matter how much money one has, illness and loneliness can make one extremely vulnerable to use and abuse. Period.
So yes, I have a good reason for my social walls. While there's some really good people out there, it has become much easier for me to assume everyone's guilty until they prove themselves innocent.
This isn't fool-proof. It keeps off most of the nasties, but it puts off the good ones too. On top of it, I manage to get hurt anyway. So I'm still open to a better solution.
Well, one reliable indicator is people who don't like my son. That's always a dead givaway.
Another sort of folks I'm better off without is "wannabes." A nice definition of a wannabe is found in this book. "...are looking for opportunities to raise their stock in the social marketplace - which often means selling someone else short."
B. is like that. As long as she believed that we could be a helping stone to her path of Social Elevation, she clung to us like a tick. Then suddenly nothing. She arrived where she wanted to for now and is looking for another host.
Good for me, bad for son. He rarely sees M&M now. He isn't deemed good enough for them anymore.
Now get this, her eldest kid's school has decided to give him a chance to prove himself in a regular school.(No more money for the borderline learning disabled! They've dissolved entire classes.) He'll be in my son's class.
It's quite possible that she might see some use for us again. No. Too busy teaching son that sometimes it is better to be lonely.
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
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12 comments:
Oh, but she's sneaky. I noticed that whenever she needs something now she makes her kids call me.
Still. I'm through.
Only its been 6 years so it's gonna get sticky.
That's why, when I notice a potential issue I stop things right away.
It's much harder later on.
Luckily we have salt-of-the-earth neighbors. And even though we can't be friends (for that very reason) we do manage to be there for each other, plus they accept son 100%.
That's worth a lot.
Finding real friends who don't have ulterior motives or don't suck you dry is the hardest thing, Amanda. I'm not good at it either. I rarely feel inspired to devote the time to cultivating new friendships with women because they usually work out badly for me, maybe because I have come to expect that or because I have high standards of how friends should act. I don't like to be smothered with obligation, etc. Yes, sometimes lonely is better than false friendship. I'm sorry your son had to learn this lesson so young. :-(
Don't know why I even care, it's really the least of my problems right now. The DH (no, not dear) is out of control again.
Need something?
There's a place I can call if it gets too bad.
They'll nod and smirk and say "I told you so" but they will help, thanks.
I agree completely that having mental and emotional issues makes a person a target. I've had it happen to me in relationship and it's terrible. I was with my husband for more than seven years before I would marry him. I needed tons of proof after that. As far as friends go, I don't have any offline. I think you nailed the reason right on the head.
B sounds like... a B****.
I'm glad you have somewhere to go if DH becomes too much. I had to make a plan like that with an ex. I squirreled away commissions for months before I made my escape. If you need any advice in secretly setting yourself up before you bolt, just email me. The address is on my profile page.
As long as there's a place to go this knowing smile can be tolerated I think. Ich hoffe Du und Sohn kommen unverletzt da durch.
Hmmm...I try to tear down my walls because I feel locked in behind them...but god it feels safe behind there...
I'd be through too. That's a lowlife right there, who is suddenly "too good" for other people.
It is harder later on. I wish I were better at nipping issues in the bud. But the fear of having people hate me still tends to dominate.
I used to have this co-worker/neighbor who had a serious drinking problem. I kept her at arm's length. I was polite to her but never went over to her place or invited her over here. Sadly, she died a few years back from choking to death, literally. I felt awful, but I saw in advance where it would have made my life hell to let her in. It feels cut-throat, but it was self preservation.
However, this person didn't have any kind of agenda. And her desperation would have made her a target if she'd had money.
Etherial Highway: Thank you. Unfortunately I've been through this before. Nevertheless, I appreciate the support!
Mago: There is no question of this normally, as this is not a dangerous person an sich, but with alcohol one never really knows, do they? That's what sucks so much about it.
Evalinn: Yup.....
Lily: This will sound incredibly hypocritical, but yes, addicts are on the list too. Every time I made an exception because "they are such nice people deep down inside" I've ended up regretting it...
Kein fröhlicher Trinker ...
I can't handle those types either, but I seem to be somewhat detached. Sorry I haven't been around much. I think of you and your son often and send all kinds of positive vibes your way often. I hope you're doing alright all things considered.
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