It's been a long, necessary while.
I've been putting some serious overtime in the Mom-Job.
I'm being rewarded with some serious progress in return.
When I first started working as his classroom-aide there was nothing, less than nothing.
He rarely participated. He had failing grades in almost everything but math. He was mostly a nuisance. He wasn't really accepted, only tolerated or ignored. He had no friends. He hated recess.
But now...
He participates in almost everything. Even those pesky "social" subjects.
Despite ongoing difficulties with reading and writing, he's read numerous books this year and his latest spelling test was a B, after a series of F's. Noticeable improvement in other subjects.
He doesn't bother half as much as he used to.
He is 98% accepted by his class now, particularly by the other boys. (The other 2% are a couple of girls who think their shit don't stink.) He enjoys breaks.
He has a couple of friends whom he meets regularly after school. One of them is the boy with the would-be-friend-mother. (I decided that while she might not be True Friend material, she is a Good Acquaintance. Just have to make sure I remember that.)
And last but not least, I didn't have to look that far for a replacement either. The woman who was his aide for 6 weeks, a year-and-a-half-ago, is actually available to work with him again! With some luck that would be only a few weeks from now...
Even my poor old battered shorts seem to be bouncing.
This all sounds too good to be true. Which means there's some nasty surprise just round the bend.
14 comments:
When I first learned about my son's disability, I promised myself that I would not become bitter towards more "fortunate" children.
Yet, when I started this project, the last thing I wanted to do was connect with "normal" children.
But it was exactly what I had to do in order to help my son to connect with them.
And that's when I internalized that being "normal" isn't everything. That being "normal" does NOT guarantee a happy home and good grades in school. (Sounds logical, it's not, not always.)
I was honestly surprised to find out that most kids in class were starved for positive attention.
And while I had read stories of poor and hungry children in this so-called "rich state", I didn't expect I'd meet some personally.
Now, even though I'm relieved at the prospect of being replaced, I worry.
I make mental provisions for the boy who comes to school everyday without lunch. Of the girl with the neglectful foster parents. Of the child, coming from a seemingly perfect home, who's never been felt accepted in his life.
I could go on.
This has been the most powerful experience of my life.
I surely hope this 'isn't too good to be true.' I'd like to think 'it's about time.' This could be the start of the rest of your life.
I never could get along with the "my shit don't stink" types either. I always went out of my way to make snide remarks to them that would upset their hoity toity little apple cart.
I'm glad you're seeing so many positive returns on your very worthy investment!
May I put this link into a comment on another person's blog? Without much ado, just a "see here". (I am too stupid for html.)
The sad thing is that many kids are alone here. Sie sind ohne wirkliche Bindung.
MAybe I'm just too tired and pesimistic now, sorry for that. But there is something missing.
You described so many little and big steps of success - I'm so happy for you both. Hopefully you are encouraged by these changes - it sounds like it would be rewarding for all the hard work you've put in.
On the one hand I've had a rather scandalous life, but there was also a time when I taught vacation bible school for two years. Parents were really just using it as a free day care for that time and I saw many kids the same way you have. I discovered that one boy who was a nusiance to everyone, just wanted to be hugged. I would hug him as hard as I could (and I have never been neither small nor weak) I could not believe he would just laugh and say more, more. He would behave for me, as long as I would give him hugs. Thats all he wanted.
Prx
Cheryl: I love your attitude! :)
Lily: I can be the same. Takes a lot of willpower to keep my mouth shut around them. :-/
Mago: Yes, thanks for asking.
Mago2: True. Something's definitely not ok.
On top of it... this will sound crazy but...it seems as if we've grown to expect boys to behave with the quietness, maturity and dedication of a girl.
They can't, they don't. Frustration ensues.
Canopy: I'm very encouraged. And proud. :) Cautiously. This could all change tomorrow as we know...
Proxima: Bingo!
I finally had to go to school to see his behavior for myself, because I just couldn't believe it. (We had only few problems with son at home.)
After observing the situation for a while, I realized that he was a "nuisance" in class because he was dying for acceptance and positive attention from the others! (In addition to all the other issues.)
There can be no meaningful progress without social integration. That's what makes this job so incredibly demanding. And in order to do this I had to connect to the kids myself.
Am I gonna cry my eyes out when this is over...
WOW. Very happy to hear about everything you two have been able to make happen. I'm quite sure I'd already be crying my eyes out. You're doing awesome.
This is amazing and totally wonderful, Amanda. Seems to me you've made it safely and successfully into a new place. I'm so happy for your boy.
:-)
Thank you!
I was back to my usual frustrations pretty quickly, as every day poses new challenges.
But it felt pretty good to take a positive review.
I'm with Cheryl..seriously. It IS about time. And you have handled this so beautifully, so perfectly, and I want you to know for sure that YOU did it.
Hugs. :)
Those Cocky attitudes is just a mere cover up of their own insecurities.
That is great about your son...I are a wonderful mom!
That´s great!
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