Yes, the title is an obscure reference to Chuck Schuldiner's same named album. Chuck belongs to a long line of geniuses who have left us much too early and he was a classic example of what happens when gubbermints don't have a semi-decent universal health-care plan in place (yet still like to insist that they are ruling a first-world country.)
Healing implies a return to the original condition and this does seem to happen sometimes. What actually happens is, we either assimilate the wound or we die from it. And when we absorb the wound we "become different in essence", as the dictionary says. We lose our original nature.
So much for the return to innocence.
That's ok, it's one of those ridiculously overrated things anyway.
I prefer Welcome To The Jungle. It's much more honest.
Saturday, July 4, 2009
Monday, June 29, 2009
Thursday, June 25, 2009
I dreamed a dream
I've always been a drifter. Mentally as well as literally.
Some of it is... genetic so to speak. My family has been wandering the face of the earth for a long time. And as we all know, a rolling stone gathers no moss, unless we are talking about the music group.
But simply settling down on in one place is not enough either. This is an inner process. Hence all the adults who are still wondering about "want I want to be when I grow up."
Anyway, I've decided it's time to determine my life's focus.
Maybe it's because of all the older women who, in the past half a year or so, have been making comments about my hair turning white because, you know, graying prematurely is such an unusual and horrible thing. Or maybe it's because I only feel like my life is worthwhile when I'm doing something that also helps others. (And while trading is an enjoyable, fascinating hobby, I must admit it's not incredibly fulfilling nor does it do anything for humanity.)
Doesn't matter why. It's time.
When my son was 3 years old I discovered something that is about as astonishing as finding out that your mother is actually your aunt. That not only he's autistic but that autism actually runs in both of our families! This realization pretty much blew my mind away. How can something like this remain undetected for so long?!
Easy. For a long time doctors only diagnosed the very obvious, (ie. non-speaking) autistics. It took a long time for medicine to realize that an ability to speak doesn't necessary lessen the severity of the impact.
My family was NOT happy to hear this at first and they tried hard to ignore it. Then my mother somehow found the strength to get a diagnosis for my sister. And slowly I began to get phone calls from people in the family... Damn. That's a tough way to learn that "being wrong" is sometimes preferable to "being right."
To make a long story short. This will remain my life's focus. There's a great deal of ignorance about autism where I grew up. I've seen what can happen as a result. And I want to change that. But there's no hurry. I have to finish raising my own first. It's just nice to know what I'm going to do afterward.
Some of it is... genetic so to speak. My family has been wandering the face of the earth for a long time. And as we all know, a rolling stone gathers no moss, unless we are talking about the music group.
But simply settling down on in one place is not enough either. This is an inner process. Hence all the adults who are still wondering about "want I want to be when I grow up."
Anyway, I've decided it's time to determine my life's focus.
Maybe it's because of all the older women who, in the past half a year or so, have been making comments about my hair turning white because, you know, graying prematurely is such an unusual and horrible thing. Or maybe it's because I only feel like my life is worthwhile when I'm doing something that also helps others. (And while trading is an enjoyable, fascinating hobby, I must admit it's not incredibly fulfilling nor does it do anything for humanity.)
Doesn't matter why. It's time.
When my son was 3 years old I discovered something that is about as astonishing as finding out that your mother is actually your aunt. That not only he's autistic but that autism actually runs in both of our families! This realization pretty much blew my mind away. How can something like this remain undetected for so long?!
Easy. For a long time doctors only diagnosed the very obvious, (ie. non-speaking) autistics. It took a long time for medicine to realize that an ability to speak doesn't necessary lessen the severity of the impact.
My family was NOT happy to hear this at first and they tried hard to ignore it. Then my mother somehow found the strength to get a diagnosis for my sister. And slowly I began to get phone calls from people in the family... Damn. That's a tough way to learn that "being wrong" is sometimes preferable to "being right."
To make a long story short. This will remain my life's focus. There's a great deal of ignorance about autism where I grew up. I've seen what can happen as a result. And I want to change that. But there's no hurry. I have to finish raising my own first. It's just nice to know what I'm going to do afterward.
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